Burying The Hatchet

I woke up Sunday morning with this odd feeling. I didn't want to go to Church. There was going to be something in the message or in Sunday School that was clearly an instruction to me and it was going to be hard to follow. I told Will I felt kinda sick. He didn't pursue it. He told me I sounded a lot better and wasn't coughing or running a fever. I felt like a 6 year old trying to come up with excuses. We're going to be late for service anyway. If I don't feel too good after Church can we come straight home?

Church was great and it was time for Sunday School. The apprehensions I had been feeling had melted away during a wonderful time of worship. We went to class and the new teachers were there. They handed out some paper to everyone with a picture of an axe on it that looked ready to color. Oh cool, this is going to be a fun class. Then we launched into the lesson and it was about burying the hatchet. Oh, its not an axe, its a hatchet. The first part of the lesson was what to do as Christians if someone had offended you. The second part was what if you were the offending party. The teacher Dan told us to write down the name of any person God brought to mind that we needed to sort things out with and carry it in our Bibles till we had reached out to them and then bury that piece of paper as a symbolic act. Uh-Oh. I knew I should have stayed home. The thing is I was the offending party. And the offense was something done years ago when not a Christian that I still hadn't apologized for. God had reminded me about it once a few years ago and I made a semi-decent attempt to find her contact information but that didn't go anywhere. Now I had Facebook and I was pretty sure I knew someone who knew how to reach her.

For three days I tried to argue it away. God has already forgiven me so why do I need to do this? We were 11 years old then, I was just a child. Everybody does mean things at that age. She probably does not even remember me. But this is not easy! I tried talking to Will about it. He had two questions: Did I know then that what I was doing was wrong? Yes. Was she hurt by my actions? Yes. "Then you can do this Hannah!". I need a second opinion!!

Thursday afternoon I sat down to write her an apology. It was hard. I told her I wanted her to know I was sorry for my actions. I was sorry I had not come forward earlier to apologize. I regretted the things I had said and done and regretted not fixing the situation earlier. I regretted how cold and stressful our relationship had been from then till we graduated high school. I sat back and read the mail. And then I realized that I had to send it. Even if she didn't forgive me, she had to know that I felt sorry for what I did. I scanned my list of friends for anyone I knew that knew her equally well and copied her as well because I knew that if I had apologized years ago, it wouldn't have been a secret. Once I was done typing, I felt a lot better about it. I realized that even if I got a response with a lot of *$#!*(& in it, it would be OK. If she never responded, that would be OK too. This was an act of obedience. I clicked on send and this burden lifted off of me.

I didn't get back a mail with a lot of #$%!$#% in it. In fact, she responded with the sweetest little mail telling me to forget about what happened and to let bygones be bygones. Wow.

It's time to take my piece of paper with my hatchet on it and bid goodbye to it forever!

It May Not Take Sticks 'n Stones

I feel like I first need to apologize to any blog readers I may have for the lack of posts. I wish I could blame it on pregnancy or fatigue or a lack of time but I have to be honest and say it has more to do with the sad state of my quiet time over the past couple of months. There's something about sitting at the feet of God and having a good conversation, letting God feed my mind with His word and processing it over the course of the day that lent me some sense of creativity to write a blog. And with a lack of quiet time that was easily gone. I have missed it dearly though and I'm glad having this blog around made me realize what an impact it had on my life before I let it slide completely.

My new translation project gives me a lot of free time. I've used some of it to catch up with movies from home that I haven't seen in ages. I recently watched a Hindi movie titled "Taare Zameen Par". One among a few that I would recommend to someone that understands the language or doesn't mind subtitles. One scene in particular really stood out in my mind. The protagonist, a teacher, is trying to help the parents of a dyslexic boy understand that every time they belittle him about his poor grades and performance in school they are just crushing his spirit a little more. He mentions that in the Solomon Islands, some villagers practice a unique form of felling trees. They just surround it and abuse it with their words and eventually the tree dies and falls over.

The Bible reminds us a few times about the importance of the words of our mouth and gives us this instruction in Ephesians 4:29 - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. In other words, if you're going to open your mouth and say something that could discourage someone, cut someone down or do no good to them its better to just shut up. I've realized I give my opinion all too freely sometimes under the guise of "constructive criticism" but only a small percentage of that may actually build someone up. It's an area I need to work on, very hard. I've watched Will in two scenarios - wilt under an authority that was particularly sarcastic and critical of him and absolutely excel under an authority that encouraged and motivated him. It's time I made a choice about the kind of influence I want to be for the people in my life.

The man with the umbrella

A couple of weeks ago, Will and I went to dinner at Famous Dave's. The weather had been gorgeous contrary to what the weather channel had predicted but things changed quickly. When we got out of the restaurant after dinner the rain was coming down hard. We stood at the exit and Will asked if I wanted to run for it or wait as he brought the car to me. We stood there looking at the cold rain a little helplessly when a man got out of his car with a HUGE umbrella and walked over to his wife's door to let her out. He looked over at us and asked, "do you want me to walk you both to your car?". I was more than a little surprised. Normally everybody is so busy, nobody really notices someone else's troubles. The man insisted it was no trouble at all and walked us to our car and made sure we both got in dry before he let his wife out of the car and they made their way in. On the drive home I thought about the times I've never looked around to see if someone had some needs when I had plenty to share. Hopefully I'll never forget this lesson.

Michael Jackson's Real Cause of Death

I thought this video is definitely worth sharing. It explains something so important about life in such a clear and simple manner. It's a truth everybody should know!

I have a new blog!

My new blog has been up for a few days but I hadn't made it public yet because it was so bare-bones! But I knew that if I hadn't spruced it up in 3 days, chances are I wouldn't. So here it is and hopefully I'll continue to work on it!

http://thechroniclesofbubs.blogspot.com/

New Role, Same Purpose

In the month of September, Will and I found out that we're going to be parents in May 2010! We're past the stage of absolute shock and the feeling that its "not real". How can it not be real after you watch your baby's heart beating on a little ultrasound screen and walk out clutching the "first photograph"? And how can something so incredible not always be on our minds, drawing out a smile in the middle of a regular day?

What has been hard though is to not let it be all-consuming. I am realizing that my purpose is not to be a good wife or a good mother, a stay-at-home mother, a work-from-home mother, a working mother, a housewife or any of these labels that the world likes to attach to me. My purpose in life is to worship my Creator and bring Him glory. To have my mind renewed and transformed constantly so that ONE day, it will look like the mind of Christ. Everything else is just a part of the journey. Something for God to use to get me to that goal. I'm praying that I do not get so fixated on my upcoming role as a parent that I lose my time and conversations with God, something that would actually help me someday in that role.

I would love to blog about my pregnancy. But out of respect for any of my readers that do not want to be subject to an aerial view of my feet or a play by play of morning sickness, I will do so on a new blog. For those who want such entertaining information, stay tuned for a new blog announcement ;-)

Verses like these...

...make me sit up and take notice.

Ever had those moments when you're sitting down relaxed, reading through the Bible and read something that makes you snap right out of relax mode? Revelations 21:8 did that to me recently. The verse says "But the cowardly, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practise the magic arts, the idolators and all liars - their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulphur. This is the second death". Another version says "But the fearful, the unbelieving and the abominable....".

I was surprised that the Bible lists the fearful and the cowards along with murderers and the immoral, sorcerers and idolators. Surely being a bit fearful, or not so brave is just a personality trait, not a sin? God doesn't seem to think so. I guess He has His reasons. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind. That could be one of the reasons. Fear is also the opposite of faith. And we cannot love God and lack faith. A lack of faith hinders God. Fear is like a barrier we put up to prevent God from working in our lives. The Bible gives instances where Jesus was unable to do miraculous things because of the lack of faith of the people.

Aren't there times that we forget the many hurdles God has carried us over and the many doors He has opened and fear for the future? Will and I are guilty of that too. It has taken a lot of miracles for us to be living in the same city, married. Oh wait, it was a miracle we even met. God provided in the most unusual way! And here we sit, fretting about how we will sell our home next summer to move to our new location. I'm grateful for verses like these that help me snap out of my unbelief and get back on track with trusting in God's power.

Romance for Dummies

Lately it seems that everytime I share something sweet Will has done people respond with "Enjoy it while it lasts" or "It's only the first year that's like that". Before we got married people would caution, "Enjoy the romance now because it will all be gone after the wedding day". The thought seriously scared me. I wouldn't call Will romantic during our courtship. In fact I jokingly say now that he used to be "romantic as mud" and now I don't know what's happened to him. Thankfully our romance is not dead nor do I think romance should fade from marriages. Definitely not marriages based on the word of God. How is it possible when you are truly trying to serve each other and treat each other well? It's hard for me not to be romantic when my husband wants to help me with dishes after dinner because he knows I despise the chore.

Looking back, I realize Will was not as un-romantic as I deemed him. He just did not know how to romance me and I did not have a clue how to romance him. He was just kind enough not to complain. Unfortunately even "Romance for Dummies" cannot teach me what romance means to Will or vice versa. I have learnt that it's more romantic to Will if I say, "You could go unwind on the carjunkie web boards tonight instead of doing dishes with me" and he'd be more inclined to repay me with a footrub - my idea of romance!

Today, I like to think that we're still sowing the seeds of romance. I hope our romance will grow and thrive. A true Biblical romance elevates the husband's love for his wife to the point of loving her "as his own body". The wife treats him with the regard he deserves as head of the household and respects him. They are consumed with the kind of love for each other that gives them strength for each new day. Romance is not reduced to something passive but expressed in actions that are a result of the love we have for each other. God pours His love into our hearts and we can pour it into the life of our spouse. And how do I know that we will not run out of romance? Simple. God cannot run out of love.

Call it what you want

There seems to be a new trend of "secularism" in the United States, also called "religious freedom". Now, back from where I come from, being a secular country is part of the constitution. Granted there are parts of India where you could be killed for being a missionary or for propogating your faith. But the places that are truly "secular" offer you the kind of freedom that is not found even in the United States.

Lately all you hear about is how the Bible is not allowed at workplaces, don't mention the name of Jesus when you pray, don't offer to pray for someone or you might offend them, don't talk about America being founded on faith in God. It just seems like religious freedom in other words is "silence the Christian".

Back home, being a Christian in a secular country meant that all the students - Hindu, Muslim, Sikh or Christian - were respectful during morning prayers in my Christian school. If I offered to pray for a grieving friend, they'd bow their head with me and thank me afterwards. I carried my Bible in my purse to work, read it when I wanted to and let a coworker open it when they wanted, all without breaking a rule. Once a week during lunch breaks at college, Christian students and anyone who wanted to join in would gather together to worship and pray. There were times we'd attempt to go into the villages and share the gospel. Sometimes people were receptive. At other times they threatened to light our bus on fire if we didn't turn around. There were places where we were silenced and the Bible was not welcome. Where your faith could hurt you. But we didn't call it religious freedom. We called it persecution.

Friendship? Really?

Today I had a wonderful conversation with a friend from back home. We haven't had a real conversation in over 2 years. But we've had plenty of "conversations" on Facebook. He's commented on my photos. I've commented on his. I've "liked" his status updates. He's liked mine. I've commented on his wall posts. I was fooled into believing that we were in touch. That I know everything that's going on in the life of my friend in spite of being over 8000 miles away. Today we had a real conversation. I found out how his life had changed in the past 2 years. I found out he had begun a new relationship and was praying about its future. I found out he'd been in a war zone and experienced rocket attacks. I found out that there were things I could lift up in prayer. Funny, in these past 2 years and our many exchanges on Facebook, I have never known these things about him. I wonder what else I'm missing out on in my friends' lives.

I know Facebook has some positive qualities. Which is why I stay on every time I have this urge to click on "Delete Account". I get to see photos of my friends, their travels, their adventures, their weddings, their families... But I wonder what else is going on. Things they would tell 4 people over a phone call but wish the other 681 on their Friends' list would not know about. Then I look at my own Friends' List. The many people that make it the long list it is and the number of "Friends" I have not said as much as "Hello" to in the past year. How shallow is my definition of friendship?

Weird "Christian" Sayings - Part III

"I prayed the sinner's prayer someday and therefore I am Christian".

I know I am going to raise the hairs on the back of a few necks with this blog entry. I can't count the number of times salvation has been reduced to a formula, a series of words that someone is instructed to pray and BAM! They are now followers of Christ with the assurance of eternal life. Don't get me wrong, I know there can be sincere conversion and life change that occurs along with the utterance of that prayer but as my pastor pointed out during his sermon this past Sunday, the "sinner's prayer" is a modern human innovation. If you search for more information on the history of the sinner's prayer, you will find that 'receiving Christ' was a technique introduced around the time of the reformation and grew in popularity with our growing need for instant everything.

As a child and teenager, I have said the sinner's prayer many times, longing for that promised peace to flood my heart and to forever be transformed. Only to fall back into a lifestyle that so clearly did not show any signs of Christ living in my heart. I would wonder why I was still disrespectful, still slanderous, still a liar, still rude, still... still unable to walk in freedom. So what does the Bible say about being saved? I love the Message translation of Romans 10:9-11.

"Say the welcoming word to God—"Jesus is my Master"—embracing, body and soul, God's work of doing in us what he did in raising Jesus from the dead. That's it. You're not "doing" anything; you're simply calling out to God, trusting him to do it for you. That's salvation. With your whole being you embrace God setting things right, and then you say it, right out loud: "God has set everything right between him and me!" "

The first part is the declaration that Jesus is now the Master of our lives. A declaration that our lives are now aligned with His words and lived in obedience to Him. We declare that God has set everything right between Him and us. We have the love of God in us and when we bump into people some of that rubs off on them. More than anything else, it becomes an everyday walk. A deep relationship with God, not a religion with a mandate that we fulfilled at some point. What freedom!

One person who loves to declare that Jesus is her Lord is Rifqa Bary. If becoming a follower of Christ was a one-time prayer and did not show some obvious changes in lifestyle, her life would not be in danger today. Please lift her up in prayer. The next court hearing is on September 3.

Weird "Christian" Sayings - Part II

Everything in moderation. I'm guilty of saying this one too until a friend quipped back "How about a little axe murder? Is that OK in moderation?" Whoa!!! So I decided to do a little research into the Biblical basis for this statement. And guess what? Even yahoo can answer this one. Nope, its not from the Bible. I have said this one so many times without giving it any thought. Some things may definitely be healthy and within our liberty to enjoy in moderation such as a little dessert or as Will would probably add - videogames! There are, however, many things that are not acceptable, even in small quantities. Murder, hatred, strife, debauchery, pornography, abuse, addictions... the list goes on. I had with my mouth condoned a list of activities that I really wouldn't endorse.

On the flip side, how about some positive things? Should I serve God in moderation? Should I love my husband in moderation? Should I manage my home in moderation? Work diligently in moderation? Be wise with money in moderation?

The statement just absolutely makes no sense anymore. Perhaps there are a few things to be enjoyed in moderation, some things never to be touched and some things to pour excellence into.

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Weird "Christian" Sayings - Part I

Yes, this is such a pet peeve that I feel convinced I need to start a blog mini-series on this topic.

A few years ago I was stuck in a job without a future, homesick, deceived by 'friends' and too sick to keep food or water down after a doctor overdosed me on anti-fever pills when a well-meaning Christian friend said this to me in an effort to comfort me "God will never take you through more than you can handle". I can't count the number of times I have heard that statement or its close cousin "God will never give you more than you can bear". The saying is potentially a paraphrase of I Corinthians 10:13 (No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it).

My problems with this statement are:

- That verse does not really say that God is the giver of temptation. Indeed, the Bible also says that when we are tempted we are not to say that we are tempted by God because God does not tempt man (James 1:13).

- It paints the picture of a distant God who creates you with a suffering threshold and then increases your level of suffering until you reach that threshold. Then He sits back and watches you squirm until you have satisfactorily discovered that you do have a threshold and this suffering is bearable.

- If God only lets us go through what we can handle, we don't need to rely on Him at all. We can handle everything that comes our way, we don't ever have to ask Him for help or cling to Him when we feel like we cannot go any further.

After struggling through a few trials with my own strength, I decided to shake off this expectation that I need to prove to God that I can handle it, that I can tap into this strength reservoir that He has given me. Instead, I choose to believe something else. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philipians 4:13), trusting in the God who says 'Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you' (Hebrews 13:5).

Lessons from the Dance Floor

Some of you know that I have been taking ballroom dancing lessons with my husband! For those of you who know him well, this might come as quite a shock. Yes, this is the same boy that would refuse to dance and said he hated dancing AND bought us a package of dance lessons. He really seems to enjoy it too! So far I have stepped on his toes twice and he has not returned the favor.

Our first lesson we were taught the "basic principles of leading and following". With subtle pressure applied to my palm and back, Will was taught to steer me around the room while I had my eyes closed. The lesson isn't called "magic" for nothing. I found myself responding without hesitation and dancing was suddenly so easy. A few minutes into it though I began to watch for patterns. We made two "boxes" moving backwards and one "box" moving right, I bet we're going to move right again. I began to guess and anticipate the next move resulting in fumbling feet and our instructor's intervention. I also struggled with trying to stop executing my own plans. "Let's go this way", I'd urge, trying to apply similar pressure on Will's palm. Or "Come on Will, I loosened my grip on your palm. You know what that means, spin me around!". Soon I learnt that was futile and had calamitous results. I have concluded that things work best when I have my eyes closed. Then we're moving around the room easily, there are some promenades and some spins and complete trust.

Isn't that the case with faith sometimes? I struggle often with trying to find out what God is doing, trying to find patterns, trying to steer Him and telling Him in prayer what I'd like Him to do next. And then there are times I give up and quiet myself and close my eyes and suddenly life's dance is so much smoother.

1 Timothy 4:8

I know I've been talking to some friends and family recently about the benefits of exercise and the importance of eating healthy. So I was out this morning practising what I preach (haha), on my regular run when God began to impress something upon my heart.

Physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.

I love how the Apostle Paul often writes in terms of running and training. Like this passage from 1 Corinthians, chapter 9:

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

He speaks like one who knows what it is like to train the body. He knows the pain and the sweat. He knows the value of it. However, he knows that in spite of its great value, it is of so little value or significance in comparison to a godly life and running this race of life well, being careful not to be disqualified.

So, I could run and beat my body to run more, run faster, get stronger. But when I die, the truth is that without a right relationship with Jesus, everything I did will have no value. But all the time I invest in my spiritual fitness will serve me well both in this life and in the life to come. Now I'm not saying let's throw in the towel then and stop exercising and eating healthy because it has no eternal significance. No. The Bible also tells us not to be lazy or a glutton and that the body is the temple of God. We are responsible for nourishing it and maintaining its health. But my prayer today is that I would sow a little more in my spiritual fitness than in my physical fitness. That while I take care of the perishable, I will take greater care of the imperishable so that when I'm at the end of this race, He will say "well done, faithful servant".

August Reflections

The Summer of 2009 is slowly coming to an end. I realize that for the past couple of years, at the end of every summer I seem to go into a reflecting mode. Summer slows things down a little for me and forces me to process the overwhelming goodness of God. August of 2007 I was looking back on a whirlwind of a year. God had taken independent, business-clothes-wearing, power-lunches-eating me out of my comfort zone and planted me smack in the middle of hourly-wages-earning, bus-riding student life. The colors, sounds and bright lights of Bangalore city had been replaced with the quietness of Dayton, Ohio. Fast forward one year, I was a number-crunching, wedding-planning fiancee, wrapping up grad school and putting as much of India and Texas as possible into a Nashville wedding. This summer, I'm a kitchen-counter-sanitizing, home-decorating housewife. What a change in the life of 'free and single' Hannah! I used to love the single life and now I love being a wife. They are both fun and wonderful in entirely different ways.

At the end of every August reflection I come to the same conclusion: I'm living under the kiss of heaven! This Darlene Zschech song has been my life song ever since I became a Christian a few years ago.

I'm walking a new walk
I'll never be the same again
Dancing a new dance
In your Holy Spirit rain
Your breath of life has overwhelmed me
And set my spirit free

I'm living a new life
Underneath your morning star
Running a new race
In the shadow of your love
Your love is immeasurable
Too deep to comprehend

I'm singing a new song
In the presence of the King
Giving you my heart
That is all that I can bring
You lit a fire inside of me
That I thought would never burn again

My Jesus, dream maker
My Jesus, life giver
I'm living under the kiss of heaven
And I'll never, ever be the same again